Like a Flame of Fire

Hello to blog-readers everywhere! Well, at least to the few, the one, my mom, who might read this. You might have noticed that I "took a break" from my blog. Let's be honest, we had a bad break up. Let's just say that it's been a rough year. But Jesus' name is Faithful and True, so things are starting to look up. My heart and mind are coming alive again, and I wanted to share something with all (one) of you. These are two assignments I've completed recently. My instructions for one, from my class on Pslams, was to create an image of how I see Jesus high and lifted up. My friends depicted the entire throne room, mine is a little less detailed. The second, from my Christology class, was to creatively communicate what I had learned about Jesus in the Old Testament. I stayed with the fire theme, and I hope you enjoy them both. They might be soon appearing on a coffee table near you.

Then I saw Heaven opened, and a white horse was standing there. Its rider was named Faithful and True, for he judges fairly and wages a righteous war to win his bride and overcome her attackers. His eyes were like flames of fire, and on his head were many crowns. Rev 19:11-12 (ish)

The fire in the eyes of Jesus burn with passion and longing for his bride. A day will dawn, and on that day we will see him face to face. We will gaze into the eyes of Jesus and we will see the flames, the eternal fire. He’s always been here, He is to come, but he’s always been here. Build my altar of fire; I will cause my name to be remembered. Let’s remember.

He was there in Genesis when God said let there be light. There was no source, just pure beams of radiant light. In that moment, the story began, in that moment the eyes of Jesus were opened and all of creation sprang forth from those eyes.

He was there on Mt. Moriah, when a father laid his willing son upon the altar. His son, his only son. His son, the one he loved. His son, his only son. Do not be too troubled by the sacrifice of the Son by the Father, for it’s the picture of true love. On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided, and his eyes, like flames of fire, opened and saw the sacrifice they would one day become. His eyes shone upon the ram in the thicket, they key to the rescue the bride.

He was there that dark night, when a man was filled with anxiety and promise. He wrestled and struggled and pulled forth what he knew was his, what he knew was coming. He caught a glimpse and wanted the fullness. He saw Jesus face to face, the eyes were opening as the sun, that ball of fire, began to rise that morn. The blessing was poured out. The eyes again fell on the beloved people, his bride to come.

Years and years go by, generation after generation Where is that man? Has the fire in his eyes gone out? Never! They were searching the wilderness for the one that would lead the exodus from bondage. The eyes like fire were opened and a bush and a man’s heart were set aflame, yet neither were consumed. It was holy ground and the plan to save the bride was pushed forward by those eyes of fire.

The eyes don’t wait long this time. One dark night, lambs and goats are offered all across Egypt. The chosen people are covered by the blood and the sacrifices are consumed with the fire. The eyes of fire open and the institution of fire begins. The Lamb that was Slain gazed upon the lambs that were slain in anticipation of being united with His bride.

The object of the burning passion, the treasured possession, was entering the wilderness. They were alone and exposed, they knew not how to live, they left like an army ready for battle but they knew not how to fight. What would become of this forgotten people? The eyes were opened and the flames came close. The wilderness sun rose dry and hot, ready to teach the bride the name of her beloved. A great pillar of fire would light their way, and keep them warm in a dry and weary land. The Lord did not remove the pillar of fire from its place in front of his bride and they entered the land of promise.

Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them and they will be his people. God himself with be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever in the fire of his eyes. Rev. 21:3-4 (ish)

"Oh Jesus!"

This could be the longest blog post ever, but read on because it's worth it. Promise.

I had the most incredible ministry experience I’ve ever had. Here’s how it happened.

Three years ago I led a cabin for summer camp. Four girls. They ran away, got high in the woods, stayed up all night ignoring my requests to go to sleep, and left the second day. Welcome to urban ministry Robyn.

About 8 months ago I ran into three of the girls at the mall (every good story includes the Tacoma Mall, don’t you think?) I exchanged numbers with one of them, and heard from this lovely lady two to three times a week, we just liked to say “Good Morning!” to each other and see what our plans were for the day. About four months ago she needed a ride to an appointment, this lovely lady was becoming a lovely mama.

This week I dropped off a Pack N’ Play for said lovely mama, and was so happy to see another friend from that fateful day of summer camp! This is how it went:

Lovely mama: yelling across the apt “Hey girl, you gonna tell Robyn?”

Lovely mama’s mama: “Girl, stop running your mouth. She doesn’t need to tell anyone. She has an appointment.”

Lovely mama: “She hasn’t made an appointment YET!”

Here's a helpful translation for you:

Lovely mama: “Are you going to tell Robyn you’re pregnant. I want you to tell her, that’s why I’m yelling across the house right now.”

Lovely mama’s mama: “Don’t talk about this, she’s probably going to terminate the pregnancy.”

Lovely mama: “There’s still hope mom, she hasn’t made the appointment yet.”

Game time! I went into the other room, where this friend was laying on the floor reading a book. This friend, let’s call her Eva; it means life. Eva can be a VERY quiet lady, a sentence more than 3 words is rarely heard. I asked her a couple questions, and then just waited. I knew she wanted to talk; she just needed some time. Sure enough, her heart came pouring out: fears of raising a child that would have to endure the same life she’s had to, not knowing dad, never seeing mom, having to be raised by grandma, and feeling guilty every single day. Plus, the dad already said he didn’t need a third kid. She was scared. No, terrified.

When someone’s life is hanging in the balance, I usually don’t know what to say. I just freak out on the inside, pray something like, “Oh Jesus!” and then calmly say what I know to be true. This is going to be hard, the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but I know you, and I know God, and you CAN do it. I know it’s not what you were hoping for, not what is best, not what people are telling you to do, but you CAN do it. I told her briefly about other girls who I know that are parenting, and resources that are out there. And then I prayed, really hard.

Later that night in my churches prayer room (all good stories should include a prayer room too), I decided to try to get her in for an ultrasound appointment. 96% of women who see their babies via ultrasound decide to carry to term. I made a phone call to my amazing friends at CareNet. We came up with a plan to get her an ultrasound the next day. Eva liked the idea.

She first needed to take a pregnancy test, and afterward was able to talk to a CareNet advocate who gave her lots of information on all her options. As we drove to another CareNet clinic for her ultrasound appointment, she told me learning so much made it easier, she wasn’t as scared and could think more clearly.

I waited in the reception area, praying more “Oh Jesus!” types of prayers. The nurse came and invited me to the back; Eva had asked if I could come too. They hadn’t started the ultrasound yet, so I got to see the whole thing. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I got to see this little person being knit together by the hand of God, right there in front of my face. The Great and Glorious King, my Jesus, was marking this little person with His image, in perfect wisdom giving it gifts and talents, personality, a destiny. Deciding weather it will like ice cream or not. The reality is mind blowing! We got to see its head, body, arms, hands, bones, the right AND left sides of its brain, its beating heart. We got to watch it do flips and suck its thumb! Eva laughed a little; she was falling in love, and was slightly relieved that her baby had a brain.

After the ultrasound, we went back to a little room to talk. The nurse had already talked to Eva, and therefore knew that she wasn’t sure if she would keep it or not. We went over the ultrasound pictures, and the nurse asked if Eva would want to hear about what an abortion procedure would be like for her stage in the pregnancy. As the nurse explained it, all information I knew, my mind started to reel a bit. I’ll be honest; it shook me up a bit. How many have sat in this room and made a decision? How many chose to keep their baby? How many didn’t? I wondered about what Eva was thinking and feeling. I marveled at the nurse, she was amazing, speaking the truth with a heart so full of love. Then she prayed. We scheduled a follow up appointment on our way out the door.

I walked out speechless, but knew I couldn’t stay that way. “Oh Jesus!”

I asked Eva what she thought, and she had quite a few. “I didn’t know the baby was so big, it was moving so much! And it can suck its thumb! I guess it’s not much of a decision now. And I guess it doesn’t matter as much, what he says, I would have to live with all the regret anyway.”

Relief doesn’t really begin to describe how I felt, but it’s the only word I can think of. She was going to carry the baby to term. Parenting or perhaps choosing a mom and dad to parent, that is a decision that we now have time for. In the meantime, I’m celebrating with all my heart! That little flippy floppy thumb sucking person, carrying the Glory of God, is going to live! Oh Jesus!

I ate ice cream to celebrate, and I think that little baby is going to like ice cream too.

The Birthday Bash

One breakthrough that I have come to love in discipling kids is that of trust; trust that lets me into a kid’s home and into their family. I’ve come to learn that’s a high level breakthrough, trust isn’t plentiful in a wounded heart. I have been discipling one young lady for two and a half years or so, and this breakthrough has come only in the last 7 months or so. I was allowed to meet family members more than a year ago, but wasn’t allowed in their home until this fall. We went even further last month; I was invited to a family function. That might seem anti-climatic, but trust me, it took two and half years of hard work, lots of ups and downs, to get that invitation. And it sure was a party! It was the most fun Saturday night I’ve had in a long time.

Picture this: a group of 30: 20 loud adults, 10 young kids (most crying), in Old Country Buffet (worse than Hometown Buffet) to celebrate Granny’s birthday, and then there’s me, one of three Caucasian women. It was a sight to see my friends! I had the privilege of sitting next to Granny for most of the dinner, and chatting with her about her family. I learned even more about this culture I’m serving, unspoken rules that aren’t to be broken. Of course I broke them, but my friend was quick to shush me, and promise to explain it all later. That’s a good disciple right there! So I got to meet sister-in-law’s siblings, half brothers, brother-in-law’s aunties, and even Granny’s boyfriend, all over plates of chicken, green beans, macaroni and cheese, nachos, corn, French fries, popcorn shrimp, mashed potatoes and gravy, ice cream, cheesecake, and of course the highlight of Old Country: Slurpees! (Yes, I had a tummy ache after dinner.) One thing to note (remember this for when you receive your invitation) is that every time you get up get a new plate, the babies all get passed around and everyone sits down in a different seat.

One of my favorite moments happened while I was sitting next to brother-in-law, who was sitting where I had been sitting, and where I had left my purse. Keep in mind that sister, wife of said brother-in-law, and I have had a run in or two over the years, and most of my nerves concerning the night were over having to interact with sister. Brother-in-Law, saw my purse under the table, and politely asked if it belonged to me. In typical Robyn fashion (a little too quick to speak and make a bad joke), replied, “Yeah, so don’t be trying to steal my money.” Immediately, I thought to myself, Why did I just say that?!?, but put on an extra big smile, that said, I wasn’t accusing you, promise. His eyes got big, he got serious, and the apparently deep respect he feels for me came pouring out. “I don’t want to even think about what Jesus would do to me, if I stole your money.” And just like that, all the downs of the ups and downs of ministry are worth it.

Another of my favorite moments was the phone call I got later that night. Granny herself, called me. She thanked me for my card, told me she was so blessed by having me there, and my investment in her grand daughter. Ready for the icing on the cake? Granny told me I fit in with the family so well, just like one of her own kids. And she thinks of me as she does her own daughters.

Amen! I’m totally in! I thought about changing my name, but quickly threw that thought away so I could celebrate what Jesus was doing. I wonder how far he will take this family? And I wonder how He’ll use me to do it. Fun thoughts! The night was a picture of success: invitation to a family birthday bash, where almost everyone initiated conversation with me, where my bad jokes were forgiven, and I was considered one of the family. Now, I just need a nickname. Oh yeah, they already gave me one: Lil’ Rob Rob from The Hood.

January 13, 2012

Seeds. They go mostly unnoticed by man, they seem inconsequential. They are easy to ignore, and if you want to see them to have to look very carefully. To see spiritual seeds, you can look carefully, but you have to ask. You must ask for new eyes, and a divine revelation. And you have to be hungry. And humble. There’s nothing like a huge tree full of stinky, rotting, black, and moldy fruit. In your front yard. One or two, or if you’re a slow learner, even three. And now you’re hungry. Now you’re humble. And now you Fear the Lord. Now is a good time to ask to see seeds, now is a good time to clean.

Wait until tomorrow, you say? Yes, that is an option. But tomorrow it wont be a seed. It will be a very small tree. It has little roots, and is growing in strength. Soon it will have fruit. And it will not be a pleasing aroma. Don’t wait until tomorrow.

But it’s so small, you say? Yes, but the smaller the seed, the larger the tree. And the more fruit. Yes, you can ignore it, or cover it up, minimize it. In the next season your front yard will be littered with soft, juicy, and rotting fruit. Maybe then you will be hungry and humble. But maybe not.

Look here, at all this good fruit, you say? Yes, it’s good. Beautiful. Even glorious. But what’s that to do with the stench arising? Jesus said it. Both can grow together, but only for a time. The Day of Harvest is coming and the fruit will be sorted. “I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds, tie them into bundles, and burn them.” The Day of Harvest is coming, and there will be fire on that day. But that’s another topic. “The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will remove from his Kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil.” The Day of Harvest is coming.

Then what will be placed in the barn, you ask? It sprouted from a mustard seed, it sprouted in your heart. It became the largest of garden plants, it grew into a tree. And it sustained life.

They go mostly unnoticed by man, they seem inconsequential. So get hungry. So get humble. For you can see the seeds of your heart! Ask for new eyes and divine revelation. Stop asking all other questions. This is the Kingdom of God. Seeds.

This City

By Erianna Swansey

9th Grader at SAMI

Member of SOZO Church

Edited (but just a little) by Robyn Buchanan

Growing up in Tacoma definitely is a challenge, and you wouldn’t really be able to understand until you live here for a week and maybe a half. It’s rough being surrounded by people that you can’t trust and feel betrayed by, but I guess that’s where we can learn a lesson. You can’t really trust anyone but God. Living in Tacoma is like a repeating cycle of generations. My mom’s generation rubbed off on my generation, and so on. I grew up in Tacoma under a lot of struggle, coming from a family of a single mom and drug addict for a dad, my sister and two brothers. Struggle was our middle name, low income because my dad needed drugs, and a lot of broken hearts. Tacoma is really a broken city, but I believe we as people have the potential to change this city around and make people care a little bit more, love a little bit more. The point of my story is, growing up in Tacoma, you will see struggle! People in this city are careless and want nothing to do with anyone! Filthy rich and want it all for themselves. Greed over something that god created for everyone, including the poor and sometimes people don’t use money for the right things. Tacoma, hear me and my message. I want everyone to know that living in Tacoma is hard. Sleepless nights, thoughts of suicide and second thoughts of heaven or hell. tears of joy and sadness at times. It’s sad, but it’s true. Not sugar coated, nothing more and nothing less. Most people try and cover up the truth with a lie. Today what I want Tacoma to know is we are not perfect, but this is not what God wanted for our city! I’m sure of it, I’m sure his heart hurts to see a teenager die almost every month. A teenager pregnant at 15. Abortions, gangs, drugs. Their all works of the devil, little tricks to get you one step closer to him, to the place where you’ll burn for eternity. The devil does not care about you; he cares about getting you closer and closer to him. My take home message is, help your friends and help your fellow citizens to open their eyes to a different Tacoma. A Tacoma where the violence is all turned into peace, and the abortions that are killing innocent babies are banned, and the death rate drops just a little bit more every month. Lets stop living for ourselves, and live for the Man we want to be with for eternity.

i love marshall mathers

Yes, it’s true. I love Marshall. I love Eminem and Slim Shady as well. My love for this triune man started in high school, but in the past year has really blossomed. As a matter of fact, my love for all (well, almost all) rap and hip hop artists has grown. And with it, a burning that my life would be about something. I want to share a message worth listening to.

Driving kids from Tacoma around in my car for hours every week is a form of audio torture. I’m forced to listen to the radio, and with that comes a world I don’t usually live in. But something strange has happened over the past few months: I have found songs I actually like! It started with Katy Perry’s You’re a Firework, a two-verse song that’s not exactly brimming with deep issues of the heart. It’s just a girl encouraging her man, and it holds some great some truth: “You don’t have to feel like a waste of space. You’re original, cannot be replaced.” I’ll give you a minute to ponder that…

I then discovered Roll Up by Wiz Khalifa. (For those of you who need translation, that’s a song title followed by the name of the artist.) It’s about a man in love with a lady, who is willing to come to her rescue whenever she calls. Call me a hopeless romantic (and one who is just ignoring the evils of her infidelity), but that’s just precious urban love right there. Anyway, I’ll fast forward before giving you my complete playlist. Eminem released, “Roman’s Revenge”, featuring Nicki Minaj. (Tip: don’t listen to it.) Historically, I haven’t been a huge Nicki fan, although if my mayne (translation: boyfriend/bestfriend) Marshall can sing with her, I can listen to her. And low and behold, she rewarded me with “Fly.”

Here’s the thing with Fly: it’s the most anti-climatic message of all time. Well, it ties with half of all other rap/hip hop songs out there. (The other half is spewing lies and deceit.) My friends that make it big, my friends that have a stage, a following, a place of influence, have worked hard. Really hard. Probably harder than I’ve ever worked. And after all the work, all the toil, all the overcoming, and all the victory? The ears of almost every young person in this nation are listening to you, and what do you have to say?

Nicki: “I am not fly, I am levitation. I represent an entire generation…I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to fly.” Fly

Eminem: “High off of love, drunk from my hate. It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate” Love The Way You Lie

Wiz Khalifa: “Got a call from my jeweler this just in and bitches love me ‘cause I’m fucking with their best friends.” Black and Yellow

Rihanna: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.” S&M

After all my hours of audio torture (and maybe a little study of the charts), this is what I find with most songs: artists tell the story of how hard they worked to get to the top. Legit. And now, singing from the top, the message either hasn’t changed or it is teaching us how to become drug addicts, prostitutes, gang bangers, and murders. Not so legit.

I can’t help but wonder about people who really have something to say (Hint: If you call yourself a Christian, I’m talking to you right now.) Where are we? Why aren’t we saying anything to the next generation? We have the most important message that ‘s ever needed communicating and we don’t share it. Nor would we work that hard to get people to listen. So, in all the nothingness of their songs, maybe there is a message after all. And maybe the message is for you and I. I love Nicki and Marshall, Wiz and Rihanna, but at the end of the day their main message is about themselves, and it’s empty. But their message is the one that gets heard; it’s the one that shapes people because it’s the only one going out. There sure is a lot of silence coming from some of my other friends.

It seems to me that there is an injustice in my triune man being the loudest voice out there today. Maybe there should be other options. Maybe I should speak up. Maybe you should too.

I GOT AN AWARD!

Every October, the Pacific Northwest Region of Youth For Christ goes on retreat. We retreat to the beautiful creation that is Cannon Beach in Oregon. We talk, laugh, worship, testify, strategize, have bon fires and s'mores, pray, go deep, make new friends, cry, play games, eat, sleep, read the word, and lay in the sun. And every year, it's AWESOME! I'm already looking forward to next October!

Youth For Christ has Five Essentials, they are our core values. They are: Loving Relationships, Widespread Prayer, Faithful Bible Teaching, Collaborative Community Strategy, and Adults Who Empower. Every year a person is honored for excelling in one of the Five Essentials. I guess I spilled the beans in the title of this blog, but I'll say it again: I GOT AN AWARD!

I was honored for excelling in the area of Loving Relationships, and one of my teammates wrote this to present me the award:

"This person is courageous. She responded to God’s call and left her hometown to love girls in the most broken of places. Although not a mom yet herself, she was willing to dive into loving and walking with girls, as young as 13, having babies and becoming moms. She has been there for them in the middle of the night, at the hospital, as they’ve gotten jobs, and learned how to believe and fight for their children. Many of these girls do not have a family to support them. This woman considers these girls and their children her family. She has opened up her home, her friendships, and her life to share and give the love of Christ with these precious ones. She inspires many and reminds us of the love Christ has for us and His willingness to walk with us in relationship despite all our shortcomings and through the hardest of circumstances. Lives are being transformed because of her willingness to love like Him."

As our Executive Director read the words above, I was thinking, I'm going to talk to this girl at the next break. She sounds awesome, and I bet I could learn so much from her. Ha! Thanks to my YFC team for this blessing. I'm honored to work with such an all-star team, and to have you as my friends as well! Love you all!