Like a Flame of Fire

Hello to blog-readers everywhere! Well, at least to the few, the one, my mom, who might read this. You might have noticed that I "took a break" from my blog. Let's be honest, we had a bad break up. Let's just say that it's been a rough year. But Jesus' name is Faithful and True, so things are starting to look up. My heart and mind are coming alive again, and I wanted to share something with all (one) of you. These are two assignments I've completed recently. My instructions for one, from my class on Pslams, was to create an image of how I see Jesus high and lifted up. My friends depicted the entire throne room, mine is a little less detailed. The second, from my Christology class, was to creatively communicate what I had learned about Jesus in the Old Testament. I stayed with the fire theme, and I hope you enjoy them both. They might be soon appearing on a coffee table near you.

Then I saw Heaven opened, and a white horse was standing there. Its rider was named Faithful and True, for he judges fairly and wages a righteous war to win his bride and overcome her attackers. His eyes were like flames of fire, and on his head were many crowns. Rev 19:11-12 (ish)

The fire in the eyes of Jesus burn with passion and longing for his bride. A day will dawn, and on that day we will see him face to face. We will gaze into the eyes of Jesus and we will see the flames, the eternal fire. He’s always been here, He is to come, but he’s always been here. Build my altar of fire; I will cause my name to be remembered. Let’s remember.

He was there in Genesis when God said let there be light. There was no source, just pure beams of radiant light. In that moment, the story began, in that moment the eyes of Jesus were opened and all of creation sprang forth from those eyes.

He was there on Mt. Moriah, when a father laid his willing son upon the altar. His son, his only son. His son, the one he loved. His son, his only son. Do not be too troubled by the sacrifice of the Son by the Father, for it’s the picture of true love. On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided, and his eyes, like flames of fire, opened and saw the sacrifice they would one day become. His eyes shone upon the ram in the thicket, they key to the rescue the bride.

He was there that dark night, when a man was filled with anxiety and promise. He wrestled and struggled and pulled forth what he knew was his, what he knew was coming. He caught a glimpse and wanted the fullness. He saw Jesus face to face, the eyes were opening as the sun, that ball of fire, began to rise that morn. The blessing was poured out. The eyes again fell on the beloved people, his bride to come.

Years and years go by, generation after generation Where is that man? Has the fire in his eyes gone out? Never! They were searching the wilderness for the one that would lead the exodus from bondage. The eyes like fire were opened and a bush and a man’s heart were set aflame, yet neither were consumed. It was holy ground and the plan to save the bride was pushed forward by those eyes of fire.

The eyes don’t wait long this time. One dark night, lambs and goats are offered all across Egypt. The chosen people are covered by the blood and the sacrifices are consumed with the fire. The eyes of fire open and the institution of fire begins. The Lamb that was Slain gazed upon the lambs that were slain in anticipation of being united with His bride.

The object of the burning passion, the treasured possession, was entering the wilderness. They were alone and exposed, they knew not how to live, they left like an army ready for battle but they knew not how to fight. What would become of this forgotten people? The eyes were opened and the flames came close. The wilderness sun rose dry and hot, ready to teach the bride the name of her beloved. A great pillar of fire would light their way, and keep them warm in a dry and weary land. The Lord did not remove the pillar of fire from its place in front of his bride and they entered the land of promise.

Look, God’s home is now among his people! He will live with them and they will be his people. God himself with be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever in the fire of his eyes. Rev. 21:3-4 (ish)

"Oh Jesus!"

This could be the longest blog post ever, but read on because it's worth it. Promise.

I had the most incredible ministry experience I’ve ever had. Here’s how it happened.

Three years ago I led a cabin for summer camp. Four girls. They ran away, got high in the woods, stayed up all night ignoring my requests to go to sleep, and left the second day. Welcome to urban ministry Robyn.

About 8 months ago I ran into three of the girls at the mall (every good story includes the Tacoma Mall, don’t you think?) I exchanged numbers with one of them, and heard from this lovely lady two to three times a week, we just liked to say “Good Morning!” to each other and see what our plans were for the day. About four months ago she needed a ride to an appointment, this lovely lady was becoming a lovely mama.

This week I dropped off a Pack N’ Play for said lovely mama, and was so happy to see another friend from that fateful day of summer camp! This is how it went:

Lovely mama: yelling across the apt “Hey girl, you gonna tell Robyn?”

Lovely mama’s mama: “Girl, stop running your mouth. She doesn’t need to tell anyone. She has an appointment.”

Lovely mama: “She hasn’t made an appointment YET!”

Here's a helpful translation for you:

Lovely mama: “Are you going to tell Robyn you’re pregnant. I want you to tell her, that’s why I’m yelling across the house right now.”

Lovely mama’s mama: “Don’t talk about this, she’s probably going to terminate the pregnancy.”

Lovely mama: “There’s still hope mom, she hasn’t made the appointment yet.”

Game time! I went into the other room, where this friend was laying on the floor reading a book. This friend, let’s call her Eva; it means life. Eva can be a VERY quiet lady, a sentence more than 3 words is rarely heard. I asked her a couple questions, and then just waited. I knew she wanted to talk; she just needed some time. Sure enough, her heart came pouring out: fears of raising a child that would have to endure the same life she’s had to, not knowing dad, never seeing mom, having to be raised by grandma, and feeling guilty every single day. Plus, the dad already said he didn’t need a third kid. She was scared. No, terrified.

When someone’s life is hanging in the balance, I usually don’t know what to say. I just freak out on the inside, pray something like, “Oh Jesus!” and then calmly say what I know to be true. This is going to be hard, the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but I know you, and I know God, and you CAN do it. I know it’s not what you were hoping for, not what is best, not what people are telling you to do, but you CAN do it. I told her briefly about other girls who I know that are parenting, and resources that are out there. And then I prayed, really hard.

Later that night in my churches prayer room (all good stories should include a prayer room too), I decided to try to get her in for an ultrasound appointment. 96% of women who see their babies via ultrasound decide to carry to term. I made a phone call to my amazing friends at CareNet. We came up with a plan to get her an ultrasound the next day. Eva liked the idea.

She first needed to take a pregnancy test, and afterward was able to talk to a CareNet advocate who gave her lots of information on all her options. As we drove to another CareNet clinic for her ultrasound appointment, she told me learning so much made it easier, she wasn’t as scared and could think more clearly.

I waited in the reception area, praying more “Oh Jesus!” types of prayers. The nurse came and invited me to the back; Eva had asked if I could come too. They hadn’t started the ultrasound yet, so I got to see the whole thing. It was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I got to see this little person being knit together by the hand of God, right there in front of my face. The Great and Glorious King, my Jesus, was marking this little person with His image, in perfect wisdom giving it gifts and talents, personality, a destiny. Deciding weather it will like ice cream or not. The reality is mind blowing! We got to see its head, body, arms, hands, bones, the right AND left sides of its brain, its beating heart. We got to watch it do flips and suck its thumb! Eva laughed a little; she was falling in love, and was slightly relieved that her baby had a brain.

After the ultrasound, we went back to a little room to talk. The nurse had already talked to Eva, and therefore knew that she wasn’t sure if she would keep it or not. We went over the ultrasound pictures, and the nurse asked if Eva would want to hear about what an abortion procedure would be like for her stage in the pregnancy. As the nurse explained it, all information I knew, my mind started to reel a bit. I’ll be honest; it shook me up a bit. How many have sat in this room and made a decision? How many chose to keep their baby? How many didn’t? I wondered about what Eva was thinking and feeling. I marveled at the nurse, she was amazing, speaking the truth with a heart so full of love. Then she prayed. We scheduled a follow up appointment on our way out the door.

I walked out speechless, but knew I couldn’t stay that way. “Oh Jesus!”

I asked Eva what she thought, and she had quite a few. “I didn’t know the baby was so big, it was moving so much! And it can suck its thumb! I guess it’s not much of a decision now. And I guess it doesn’t matter as much, what he says, I would have to live with all the regret anyway.”

Relief doesn’t really begin to describe how I felt, but it’s the only word I can think of. She was going to carry the baby to term. Parenting or perhaps choosing a mom and dad to parent, that is a decision that we now have time for. In the meantime, I’m celebrating with all my heart! That little flippy floppy thumb sucking person, carrying the Glory of God, is going to live! Oh Jesus!

I ate ice cream to celebrate, and I think that little baby is going to like ice cream too.

The Birthday Bash

One breakthrough that I have come to love in discipling kids is that of trust; trust that lets me into a kid’s home and into their family. I’ve come to learn that’s a high level breakthrough, trust isn’t plentiful in a wounded heart. I have been discipling one young lady for two and a half years or so, and this breakthrough has come only in the last 7 months or so. I was allowed to meet family members more than a year ago, but wasn’t allowed in their home until this fall. We went even further last month; I was invited to a family function. That might seem anti-climatic, but trust me, it took two and half years of hard work, lots of ups and downs, to get that invitation. And it sure was a party! It was the most fun Saturday night I’ve had in a long time.

Picture this: a group of 30: 20 loud adults, 10 young kids (most crying), in Old Country Buffet (worse than Hometown Buffet) to celebrate Granny’s birthday, and then there’s me, one of three Caucasian women. It was a sight to see my friends! I had the privilege of sitting next to Granny for most of the dinner, and chatting with her about her family. I learned even more about this culture I’m serving, unspoken rules that aren’t to be broken. Of course I broke them, but my friend was quick to shush me, and promise to explain it all later. That’s a good disciple right there! So I got to meet sister-in-law’s siblings, half brothers, brother-in-law’s aunties, and even Granny’s boyfriend, all over plates of chicken, green beans, macaroni and cheese, nachos, corn, French fries, popcorn shrimp, mashed potatoes and gravy, ice cream, cheesecake, and of course the highlight of Old Country: Slurpees! (Yes, I had a tummy ache after dinner.) One thing to note (remember this for when you receive your invitation) is that every time you get up get a new plate, the babies all get passed around and everyone sits down in a different seat.

One of my favorite moments happened while I was sitting next to brother-in-law, who was sitting where I had been sitting, and where I had left my purse. Keep in mind that sister, wife of said brother-in-law, and I have had a run in or two over the years, and most of my nerves concerning the night were over having to interact with sister. Brother-in-Law, saw my purse under the table, and politely asked if it belonged to me. In typical Robyn fashion (a little too quick to speak and make a bad joke), replied, “Yeah, so don’t be trying to steal my money.” Immediately, I thought to myself, Why did I just say that?!?, but put on an extra big smile, that said, I wasn’t accusing you, promise. His eyes got big, he got serious, and the apparently deep respect he feels for me came pouring out. “I don’t want to even think about what Jesus would do to me, if I stole your money.” And just like that, all the downs of the ups and downs of ministry are worth it.

Another of my favorite moments was the phone call I got later that night. Granny herself, called me. She thanked me for my card, told me she was so blessed by having me there, and my investment in her grand daughter. Ready for the icing on the cake? Granny told me I fit in with the family so well, just like one of her own kids. And she thinks of me as she does her own daughters.

Amen! I’m totally in! I thought about changing my name, but quickly threw that thought away so I could celebrate what Jesus was doing. I wonder how far he will take this family? And I wonder how He’ll use me to do it. Fun thoughts! The night was a picture of success: invitation to a family birthday bash, where almost everyone initiated conversation with me, where my bad jokes were forgiven, and I was considered one of the family. Now, I just need a nickname. Oh yeah, they already gave me one: Lil’ Rob Rob from The Hood.

January 13, 2012

Seeds. They go mostly unnoticed by man, they seem inconsequential. They are easy to ignore, and if you want to see them to have to look very carefully. To see spiritual seeds, you can look carefully, but you have to ask. You must ask for new eyes, and a divine revelation. And you have to be hungry. And humble. There’s nothing like a huge tree full of stinky, rotting, black, and moldy fruit. In your front yard. One or two, or if you’re a slow learner, even three. And now you’re hungry. Now you’re humble. And now you Fear the Lord. Now is a good time to ask to see seeds, now is a good time to clean.

Wait until tomorrow, you say? Yes, that is an option. But tomorrow it wont be a seed. It will be a very small tree. It has little roots, and is growing in strength. Soon it will have fruit. And it will not be a pleasing aroma. Don’t wait until tomorrow.

But it’s so small, you say? Yes, but the smaller the seed, the larger the tree. And the more fruit. Yes, you can ignore it, or cover it up, minimize it. In the next season your front yard will be littered with soft, juicy, and rotting fruit. Maybe then you will be hungry and humble. But maybe not.

Look here, at all this good fruit, you say? Yes, it’s good. Beautiful. Even glorious. But what’s that to do with the stench arising? Jesus said it. Both can grow together, but only for a time. The Day of Harvest is coming and the fruit will be sorted. “I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds, tie them into bundles, and burn them.” The Day of Harvest is coming, and there will be fire on that day. But that’s another topic. “The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will remove from his Kingdom everything that causes sin and all who do evil.” The Day of Harvest is coming.

Then what will be placed in the barn, you ask? It sprouted from a mustard seed, it sprouted in your heart. It became the largest of garden plants, it grew into a tree. And it sustained life.

They go mostly unnoticed by man, they seem inconsequential. So get hungry. So get humble. For you can see the seeds of your heart! Ask for new eyes and divine revelation. Stop asking all other questions. This is the Kingdom of God. Seeds.

This City

By Erianna Swansey

9th Grader at SAMI

Member of SOZO Church

Edited (but just a little) by Robyn Buchanan

Growing up in Tacoma definitely is a challenge, and you wouldn’t really be able to understand until you live here for a week and maybe a half. It’s rough being surrounded by people that you can’t trust and feel betrayed by, but I guess that’s where we can learn a lesson. You can’t really trust anyone but God. Living in Tacoma is like a repeating cycle of generations. My mom’s generation rubbed off on my generation, and so on. I grew up in Tacoma under a lot of struggle, coming from a family of a single mom and drug addict for a dad, my sister and two brothers. Struggle was our middle name, low income because my dad needed drugs, and a lot of broken hearts. Tacoma is really a broken city, but I believe we as people have the potential to change this city around and make people care a little bit more, love a little bit more. The point of my story is, growing up in Tacoma, you will see struggle! People in this city are careless and want nothing to do with anyone! Filthy rich and want it all for themselves. Greed over something that god created for everyone, including the poor and sometimes people don’t use money for the right things. Tacoma, hear me and my message. I want everyone to know that living in Tacoma is hard. Sleepless nights, thoughts of suicide and second thoughts of heaven or hell. tears of joy and sadness at times. It’s sad, but it’s true. Not sugar coated, nothing more and nothing less. Most people try and cover up the truth with a lie. Today what I want Tacoma to know is we are not perfect, but this is not what God wanted for our city! I’m sure of it, I’m sure his heart hurts to see a teenager die almost every month. A teenager pregnant at 15. Abortions, gangs, drugs. Their all works of the devil, little tricks to get you one step closer to him, to the place where you’ll burn for eternity. The devil does not care about you; he cares about getting you closer and closer to him. My take home message is, help your friends and help your fellow citizens to open their eyes to a different Tacoma. A Tacoma where the violence is all turned into peace, and the abortions that are killing innocent babies are banned, and the death rate drops just a little bit more every month. Lets stop living for ourselves, and live for the Man we want to be with for eternity.

i love marshall mathers

Yes, it’s true. I love Marshall. I love Eminem and Slim Shady as well. My love for this triune man started in high school, but in the past year has really blossomed. As a matter of fact, my love for all (well, almost all) rap and hip hop artists has grown. And with it, a burning that my life would be about something. I want to share a message worth listening to.

Driving kids from Tacoma around in my car for hours every week is a form of audio torture. I’m forced to listen to the radio, and with that comes a world I don’t usually live in. But something strange has happened over the past few months: I have found songs I actually like! It started with Katy Perry’s You’re a Firework, a two-verse song that’s not exactly brimming with deep issues of the heart. It’s just a girl encouraging her man, and it holds some great some truth: “You don’t have to feel like a waste of space. You’re original, cannot be replaced.” I’ll give you a minute to ponder that…

I then discovered Roll Up by Wiz Khalifa. (For those of you who need translation, that’s a song title followed by the name of the artist.) It’s about a man in love with a lady, who is willing to come to her rescue whenever she calls. Call me a hopeless romantic (and one who is just ignoring the evils of her infidelity), but that’s just precious urban love right there. Anyway, I’ll fast forward before giving you my complete playlist. Eminem released, “Roman’s Revenge”, featuring Nicki Minaj. (Tip: don’t listen to it.) Historically, I haven’t been a huge Nicki fan, although if my mayne (translation: boyfriend/bestfriend) Marshall can sing with her, I can listen to her. And low and behold, she rewarded me with “Fly.”

Here’s the thing with Fly: it’s the most anti-climatic message of all time. Well, it ties with half of all other rap/hip hop songs out there. (The other half is spewing lies and deceit.) My friends that make it big, my friends that have a stage, a following, a place of influence, have worked hard. Really hard. Probably harder than I’ve ever worked. And after all the work, all the toil, all the overcoming, and all the victory? The ears of almost every young person in this nation are listening to you, and what do you have to say?

Nicki: “I am not fly, I am levitation. I represent an entire generation…I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to fly.” Fly

Eminem: “High off of love, drunk from my hate. It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate” Love The Way You Lie

Wiz Khalifa: “Got a call from my jeweler this just in and bitches love me ‘cause I’m fucking with their best friends.” Black and Yellow

Rihanna: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.” S&M

After all my hours of audio torture (and maybe a little study of the charts), this is what I find with most songs: artists tell the story of how hard they worked to get to the top. Legit. And now, singing from the top, the message either hasn’t changed or it is teaching us how to become drug addicts, prostitutes, gang bangers, and murders. Not so legit.

I can’t help but wonder about people who really have something to say (Hint: If you call yourself a Christian, I’m talking to you right now.) Where are we? Why aren’t we saying anything to the next generation? We have the most important message that ‘s ever needed communicating and we don’t share it. Nor would we work that hard to get people to listen. So, in all the nothingness of their songs, maybe there is a message after all. And maybe the message is for you and I. I love Nicki and Marshall, Wiz and Rihanna, but at the end of the day their main message is about themselves, and it’s empty. But their message is the one that gets heard; it’s the one that shapes people because it’s the only one going out. There sure is a lot of silence coming from some of my other friends.

It seems to me that there is an injustice in my triune man being the loudest voice out there today. Maybe there should be other options. Maybe I should speak up. Maybe you should too.

I GOT AN AWARD!

Every October, the Pacific Northwest Region of Youth For Christ goes on retreat. We retreat to the beautiful creation that is Cannon Beach in Oregon. We talk, laugh, worship, testify, strategize, have bon fires and s'mores, pray, go deep, make new friends, cry, play games, eat, sleep, read the word, and lay in the sun. And every year, it's AWESOME! I'm already looking forward to next October!

Youth For Christ has Five Essentials, they are our core values. They are: Loving Relationships, Widespread Prayer, Faithful Bible Teaching, Collaborative Community Strategy, and Adults Who Empower. Every year a person is honored for excelling in one of the Five Essentials. I guess I spilled the beans in the title of this blog, but I'll say it again: I GOT AN AWARD!

I was honored for excelling in the area of Loving Relationships, and one of my teammates wrote this to present me the award:

"This person is courageous. She responded to God’s call and left her hometown to love girls in the most broken of places. Although not a mom yet herself, she was willing to dive into loving and walking with girls, as young as 13, having babies and becoming moms. She has been there for them in the middle of the night, at the hospital, as they’ve gotten jobs, and learned how to believe and fight for their children. Many of these girls do not have a family to support them. This woman considers these girls and their children her family. She has opened up her home, her friendships, and her life to share and give the love of Christ with these precious ones. She inspires many and reminds us of the love Christ has for us and His willingness to walk with us in relationship despite all our shortcomings and through the hardest of circumstances. Lives are being transformed because of her willingness to love like Him."

As our Executive Director read the words above, I was thinking, I'm going to talk to this girl at the next break. She sounds awesome, and I bet I could learn so much from her. Ha! Thanks to my YFC team for this blessing. I'm honored to work with such an all-star team, and to have you as my friends as well! Love you all!

The World of Facebook

People can say what they want. In person, they usually say what they think they're supposed to say. They know the right answer. However, there is another world. The world of facebook. Sometimes I feel like I get to see my girls in their "natural environment" through this amazing social network. Status updates. Pictures. Comments. They seem to come from their hearts. There are no right things to say, no pat answers, just gut response. Usually, it shows me that Jesus has a lot of work to do. And that I better get to prayin'. ‎But today was different, today made my heart sing. This, my friends, is a facebook status, a gut response from a teen mom. Allow your heart to sing as you read:

"0n August 3, 2011 @ 6:52am I gave my life t0 a BEAUTIFUL baby girl & my w0rld w0uld be changed f0rever! I am very happy t0 say that I am a y0ung,PR0UD m0ther 0ut here d0in what i g0tta d0 f0r me & mine. Every0ne says 0nce y0u have a baby y0ur life is 0ver, but N0PE my life has jst begun! I get t0 enj0y watching my daughter gr0w and gr0w:) & it is a BLESSING! #TheBestFeelingInTheW0rld.

Jesu!

I know what you’re thinking, “Robyn forgot an S in Jesus!”. Don’t worry, I didn’t. That’s His name in Cambodia. And what a name it is! Jesu!

I got to spend almost three weeks this summer in Cambodia, and I’m still thinking about it. Rolling memories around in my head, pondering on questions, smiling at the pictures, wondering what Jesus is doing there today.

Cambodia is the most luscious land I’ve seen, everything is alive. Well, almost everything. There are 1,000 shades of green everywhere. And the children are so beautiful. Everyone I saw, I was convinced was the cutest one I had ever laid eyes on. Then I would look a little to the left or the right, and there was another child. Surely that one is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. The women smile, the men are in the rice fields. The old ones don’t smile as much. They are tired. They have seen war, genocide, loved ones die, some were even forced to be the killers. They have worked, farmed, raised children, year after year after year, and now they are tired. There is a lot of life in Cambodia, but many hearts are dying. Most have not heard of Jesus. We would share, “Jesus came so you could be free!” And they would interrupt, “What is Jesus?”

Every time our translator would say those words, my heart would beat faster, I would get a big smile on my face, my eyes would widen. “Jesus is the best thing that ever happened!” It all centers on him. Your life, my life, the questions, the answers, the truth, the hope, the power. It’s all Jesus! My words would get translated back. Jesu!

We were playing and teaching little ones in an orphanage, and some men brought a very sick lady in on a tractor, and asked us to pray for her. Where did she come from? I don’t know. How did they know we were there? I don’t know. What did the people at the orphanage think? I don’t know. I don’t really know that much, but I do know that moments like aren’t random. God had been waiting to encounter this women, and as the sun rose that morning, he was excited because it was the day that held the moment, where that women would meet His son Jesus. We prayed, we taught, the children prayed, she repeated after us, we taught some more, her fever broke and her head cleared. For the first time in three years she walked without help and felt hungry. Jesus is the best thing that ever happens to anyone! Jesu! We talk about Him, and we pray in desperation, and He comes and makes himself look SO good. Jesus has a name in that Cambodian village, and it’s a good one! Jesu!

That’s what I want my life to do. I want my life on Earth to make Jesus look good. When things don't go my way, I want Jesus to look good. When I'm disappointed, I want him to look good. When I'm hurt, I want him to look good. In all the moments and days when I am weak, I want him to look strong. I want him to look good, not only when I pray for someone, but when I'm just living. I want him to look like the best thing that ever happened to me. Jesu!

Called to Celebrate, Called to Grieve

(When I started this blog last week it was titled, “Do the right thing.”)

In the midst of a week spent on the couch, fighting the worst cold I have ever known, the Lord called me to Remann Hall once again. I had a little word of encouragement for the girls out of Isaiah 42, but wasn’t sure exactly where the Spirit would take us. As I grabbed my bible and notebook on my way out, I noticed a piece of paper with the names and phone numbers of girls who were in detention several months before. I glanced at the names, and remembered her. Her name is Jayla, she’s 17, she came into Remann Hall desperate, and she made a decision to love and follow Jesus. Walking out the door, I made a mental note on my to-do list, Call Jayla ASAP!

Twenty minutes later, who should I see in Remann Hall? JAYLA!!! We had a great reunion, and she updated me on her life. She had been doing great, going to school everyday, getting along with her mom, avoiding relationships that she thought would only lead to more trouble. We celebrated her breakthrough and growth through her jail cell door, and it was a sweet moment. She paused, and began to appear downcast at the thought that came into her mind. Jayla told me that she had just found out that she’s pregnant, about 4 weeks along. She didn’t know what to do; she was scared to talk to her mom about it, although her mom already knew. She didn’t think she was ready for the challenges that would come, and she was considering aborting the baby. Isaiah 42 was out and Psalm 139 was in! We read the word together, at which she exclaimed, “The Bible’s filthy!” which just means that it’s really cool. Talking about what it meant that her and I were knitted together by God in our mom’s wombs, that his workmanship is marvelous, and that God saw us before we were born. She asked good questions, “Would it be a sin?” “What if my mom try’s to make me?” We asked her questions. “What do you think the right thing is?” She knew the right thing would be to keep the baby. One of our volunteers looked her in the eye, “Jayla, do the right thing. You can do it! You have to do the right thing!” Jayla began to weep, saying that she wanted to do the right thing, but she was still scared of what her mom would say. She had had three abortions before she had Jayla.

I celebrated all week, thanking God that He has brought Jayla to us, celebrated that He had given me strength to get off the couch, thanking him for his word, and the power which it holds. I celebrated that He had moved on Jayla’s heart, and a new life was coming into the world. I told everyone, and we all celebrated. Until yesterday, yesterday the call to celebrate turned to the call to grieve.

Jayla called me last night, we talked for a while, and then I asked about the baby. I don’t really know what she said, but I heard her. The baby was gone. She decided that she couldn’t handle the responsibility; she wanted to stay in school, and grow up before she had a baby. Her mom had taken her to Planned Parenthood, and 30 minutes later the little life that I spent the week celebrating over, was dead.

I know God called me to engage in a war that is raging everyday in my city, a war that many would say shouldn’t even be fought, a war where the bad guys seem to be winning. And so I fight, identifying life and victory, pushing back the enemy in prayer, trumpeting what I know to be true, and prophesying the end of the war. I know Jesus is going to win, and until that day I’ll celebrate life, and I’ll grieve over death.

In the midst of heartache and tears, I will cling to hope and the truth. For the one that was lost this week, more were kept. For the ones, that will be lost tomorrow, still more will be kept. A second baby boom is coming to our nation, and I will celebrate over every one of them. And I will grieve over every little one that is lost. And Jesus will win this war.

What Happens When I Read The Bible

Often times nothing. Nothing happens. I come out with a million questions, and feel at a loss to get answers. Sometimes I’m bored out of my mind and I spend more time thinking about how I’d rather be doing something else. Sometimes I have to be honest and admit that somewhere in my heart, I think I have better things to do than be with Jesus and read His word to me. But I know that’s so wrong, so I end up mad at myself that I think and feel that way. When one walks down this path, they walk out of their “time with the Lord” in more bondage than they went into it with.

This is stupid. I’m not doing it anymore.

The only eternal relationship this exists in my life is the one between Jesus and me. And I love Him. And He loves me. And I want to love Him more. And he can’t love me more. Because of this, I will give myself to His word, and I will ask for grace to stay focused, I will ask for his Spirit to come and teach me, I will ask for wisdom to apply it to my life, and I will ask to be transformed by it.

My quiet time today must have been AWESOME! Nope. It wasn’t much different than they usually are, but I had fun anyway. I read Genesis 1-3, and these are some things I noticed:

- The Lord gave Adam the boundary regarding the Trees before He gave Adam Eve, but Eve knew the boundary. Adam must have discipled her in the Lords ways before the fall.

- Man was made for intimate relationship (not only in a sensual way, but in a private and personal way). So the Lord, offered Adam “the wild animals and birds” and he rejected them all. The Lord offered them to Him, knowing that they weren’t the best option, but in the offering of them, relationship grew.

- The Bible says the serpent was shrewd? Not evil beyond measure and detestable to God? Just shrewd? Doesn’t the bible call us to be shrewd somewhere? Innocent as doves yet shrewd as foxes or something?

- God gave instruction to Adam, knowing full well the mess that would become of creation, and then gave him the greatest gift. Woman. If you knew someone was about to wreck your creation, break your heart, rebel and completely dishonor and disobey you, would you give him or her the greatest gift ever? The Lord is crazy! I want to be like Him!

- The first emotion felt after sin entered Adam and Eve (and all of creation) was shame, specifically over their bodies. The very form that God would walk the Earth in, the very place where His presence now dwells.

- After the fall, Adam gave Eve her name; “to give life”. A very nice name for someone who just let evil enter the world to torment every person for all generations

- Then God made clothes for them, why didn’t he just deliver them from shame and leave them naked? I would probably be spending much less money on clothes today if He had.

- God’s course of action after the fall is ridiculous: He comes to them, talks it out a bit, sets the serpent straight, address Adam and Eve (although I’m not sure if he cursed them, or just explained the consequences of their actions, or both), he made them clothes (the first sacrifice perhaps?), and then he protected them from completely ruining the relationship with Him forever by sending them from the garden, away from the Tree of Life. “Banished” sounds like such a punishment, like he cast them out of the best place to live and made them suffer in a yucky land. The definition summed up: to send, send away, let go, stretch out, extend, direct, to let loose, to send off or away or out or forth, dismiss, give over, cast out. It’s the same word used in 1 Chronicles 13 to describe David sending messages to the Israelites to invite them to join him in celebration as they brought the Ark back. It seems to me He was protecting them. He placed a “mighty cherubim…with a flaming sword…that flashes back and forth” to violently protect His plan to bring us back to Him. Now that’s cool.

In the days to come, I expect to receive big gifts from God as I give myself to His word. And I can’t wait to share them! I am blessed with time to spend with Jesus, a blessing that not all have currently. So for the ones who work 40+ hours a week, for the ones who take care of children, house, and home, for the ones who have a different call, and for the ones that carry me as I give my life to love and serve the youth of this city, I will spend my time with Jesus and I will offer what I receive to you, because I believe the blessing is for you too!

Words of Love

Here are two facebook messages exchanged between a beautiful young girl growing up in Tacoma and me. Here are Words of Love.

Dear Ellie,

I was just praying for you this morning, and some of this I've told you before, but I just have to tell you again. I'm SO proud of you. When I look at you, when I think about your life, I don't see a little kid, a crazy middle schooler who's not quite there yet. I see a woman of God, a woman who has walked with God through good times and bad, one who has been faithful, held on to a pure heart, one who has held on to every word the Lord has spoken over her. Ellie, God has a special grace on you. You and Jesus together, will absolutely and completely change your family, an entire generation! =) This year has been a war in your family: cousins have got arrested and sent up, one had two babies, two more having babies, one brother is having a baby, and the other is getting arrested and expelled from school. Your mom looses her relationship. And then there's you. Faithfully following Jesus. I know God is coming to rescue them, and his hand is already resting upon you. You have laid down almost every friendship in order to follow Jesus this year. You've forgiven people who have treated you SO badly, just because you know Jesus is the only way and you are willing to go that way no matter what. You are applying to school, determined to live a holy life. Ellie, you are special. I learn from you. I've understood Jesus more this year, understood love more this year, understood the power of God, understood real friendship more this year because of you. I'm crying as I write this because God didn't send me up here to bless you, but he blessed me with you. Laying in my bed last night, I was thinking of the future: getting to be at your junior high, and high school and collage graduations, seeing you at your first job, getting to know the man that decided to pursue you. Those are the things I like to dream about! Those are the things that the Lord dreams about for you. And I'm so glad that we get to dream together too. I love you girl!

AWWWWWWWWWWWW , iLove Yuu T2 Robynn ! And Thanks Too Yuu , i Am This Person ! And EveryThing Happens For Ah Reason , Soo i Am Jusss Gonnna Wait On My Blesssings And Dont Let NO BODY COme In Between That ! i Jussss Thinkk About Those Things T000 , Abouut How Far God Will Let This Friendship Last , And i Thank Yuu T000 Because , When i Wasnt Tooo Nice And Faithfull , Yuu Were Still There Thruu Out It Alll ! i Love Yuu Robynn , !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Ellie W // Loove ! <333

A Word of Love can transform a heart. 1 John 4:19 We love because He first loved us.

A Battle of Life and Death

Last spring the YFC ministry that I volunteer for moved into a new office. Our new office is on the Hilltop, the hood. It’s an area known for gangs, drugs, violence, and broken people from broken families. On the first tour I took of the building that is now our office, I asked about our neighbors, Cedar River Clinic. I already knew I didn’t want to know the answer. Cedar River is an abortion clinic.

Every day in my office, people sit at desks, they plan, they study God’s word, they meet, they pray, worship, they love kids in the city, they encourage one another, they cry, they eat and laugh and live life. Next door the devil rages, and death takes another and another and another. I’ve walked passed it, parked in front of it, and prayed against it. I’ve wondered about how many have gone in? How many haven’t come out? Do they know about me like I know about them? I wonder if the staff would ever refer a girl to us? I want to know more, but sometimes you can’t un-ask a question. Last week I followed my wonderings, and I visited their website. My emotions flowed like a damn just broken. Anger. Sadness. Grief. Love. Compassion. Urgency. Something changed in my heart: where I had been only been standing on truth, I am now a warrior wielding the sword of truth.

It’s not as some think. “Just chose life, just keep your baby, why don’t you give it up fo

r adoption? How could a woman kill her own child? Murderer! What’s wrong with these girls? They’ll have to live with that for the rest of their lives!” Does this sound familiar? I used to sound like this. Do you sound like this? A clear picture of death has been painted and although we all know life, we’ve missed something. Death is bad and life is good, is far too simplistic. We fight death with life, but how can we fight death if we don’t understand life?

A living baby. I’ve haven’t had one yet, but this is what I do know about living babies. They cry all the time. They poop all the time. They need something almost every second of the day. Clothes. Diapers. Sometimes expensive formula. Wipes. Bibs. Medicine. Time. Attention. At 1am. And 2am. And 3am. And 4am. Although that’s God’s design, it doesn’t really sound like the joy and peace and light and purpose that we think of when we hear the word life.

Allow me to introduce you to a precious, living baby, and her mom who chose life. Sometimes I think I love them more than anyone else in the world. Mom was 15 when she got pregnant, 16 when she had her. She lives with dad, or aunt, or baby daddy, or friends. Now she’s on assistance. She doesn’t go to school anymore. She doesn’t have a job. She’s was happens when you chose life. It’s not glamorous, and could easily look like a tragedy in itself, but it’s precious beyond any earthly treasure. I want to see more like these two and less traffic at my neighbors. I want to see more life, even if it means that I’m the one changing poopy diapers at 2am. I want to choose life!

Will you please choose life? Will you bless a young mom next time you see one? Tell her you’re proud of her, and she’s doing a great job. It might be the first time she’s ever heard that. Will you buy her some wipes? And an ice cream cone? Will you change a diaper? Because that is life. That will defeat death.

“The thief comes only to steal kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Jesus in John 10:10.

He said "YES!"

Yesterday I prayed that God would help me connect with some specific girls after being out of town for a couple week. Today, he said "YES!"

We are starting a new Impact Team to love and serve at local middle school, so I decided I would stop by today. Our church meets there every Sunday evening, but I’ve never seen it in school mode, I’ve never seen a kid there. We have a couple guys working the lunch hour, and our fearless leader Trent was going to meet me there. I stopped by the office to get my visitors badge and walked into the cafeteria. I listened to the principal make his announcements, scanning the room for “my girls” (I use the term loosely, as any girl I’ve met becomes “my girl”.) I see two I hang out with regularly, one more who I love to talk to but haven’t made the jump to one on ones yet, and one who I love but is….still a long way off. One of them had just spent the morning in the principals office, her teacher had to physically restrain her from beating up a girl. Yikes! Some of them asked if they could be in my cabin for winter camp. I didn’t know I was going to camp, but after that, how could I not go? As lunch comes to a close, each girl came and gave me a special hug. One tells me to text her on her friends phone, one invites me to her first volleyball game tomorrow, one tells me she will go to camp for the first time if she can be in my cabin at camp, and one doesn’t say anything because she knows I’ll see her again soon. As if my heart isn’t bursting already, it get’s better!

Fearless leader Trent walked me back to the office to sign out. He introduced me to the principle, who asked when I’ll be coming to visit. I told him that I would stop in every once and while to see some of the girls I know. Trent told him that I’m connected to some kids through our outreach program on Tuesday night. The principle looked at me and asked, “Mmmm, how well connected are you?” Being that’s a tough question to answer, I laugh and reply, “Pretty well connected.” He turned around and called for a girl who’s sitting in the office waiting for him, she was “in trouble.”

“This is Kara. Kara, this is my friend Robyn, we used to go to school together.” I’m not really for lying to kids, but his heart to tear down her walls so she’d open up to me, is beyond precious and borderline miraculous, considering his position at a public school. “Why don’t you go talk in that conference room?”

Kara laughs unhappily, “But I don’t know her.”

“Just go.” He replied

I spent the next thirty minutes listening to Kara angrily share about her crazy teacher that regularly calls her an idiot, who sent her to the office because she fell asleep in class. She tells me about her dad in prison, her step dad who she thought was her real dad, her eight siblings, and cynically laughs as she tells me how today was an extraordinarily bad day. She tells me about her friends, which turns out to be almost every kid in the school, and how there is really only one she isn’t cool with. She tells me how she was arrested at school and put in Remann Hall last month, for “putting her hands on” her mom. I wasn’t surprised; any kid that bold…and angry would surely tour the local detention center. Can you say kingpin kid? Can you see the Lord’s strategy? Can you see how God builds his Kingdom on earth?

It’s just like God, to answer my prayer of yesterday to better connect with some of these girls, in such a dramatic way. And to bless me with a new friend named Kara.

Can you say Robyn’s going to be spending more lunches at school?

Lord Come Quickly

Lord come quickly. Nothing like a death to make you get your priorities straight. Nothing like a shock to make you stop and think. Nothing like a holy victory to provoke the enemy. And nothing like the ragings of the devil to make me desperate for the Lord to come…quickly.

Last night at church, we commissioned 13 young people to start a church. 13 people who know broken family, poverty, drugs, gangs, jail, prostitution. They know the ragings of the devil, and they know victory. With the covering and help of City Central Missions Base, they will start a church that raises up the next generation to love Jesus with their whole heart, mind, soul, and strength. Last night, they heard the call of God, and they answered. But there was a darker call last night, and a darker answer. Lord come quickly.

10 blocks away, the devil was raging. The Lord was moving in his plan to rescue this generation, to spark revival, to visit us again, and the devil replied. He planted violence and rage, jealousy and insecurity, fear and futility, deep in the hearts of 6 other youth. A fight broke out. The devil raged. The gun was fired. And a life was ended. 13 students declared they were not turning back, they were running in victory towards Jesus, declaring the devil wouldn’t have them, so he took another one. Lord come quickly.

What are the people saying? “We're all getting sick of these punks dirtying up the planet. I say take them all out in a "War on Gangs". What kind of coward pulls a gun in a fist fight? Gang members, They're cowards that are nothing unless they're in packs or carrying a gun. This was obviously gang activity; complete low lifes of our society. Now one of them is laying in the hospital with a gun shot wound to the head.....compliments of the taxpayer caring for him because I doubt the slimeball had insurance.” Thanks to the News Tribune for publishing that. Lord come quickly.

In this hour, there is no time for accusation and debate. There is no time for pity or apathy. And there is no reason for defeat. The unseen kingdoms are warring, and there are casualties daily. How will you fight? Not fighting, is not an option. Not fighting means the battle continues, and more will die. How will you fight? God has made you to fight, we are warriors in his army, and we walk forward in authority and victory. Lord come quickly.

He is coming and he will establish his kingdom. He is coming and the enemy will be imprisoned. He is coming and there will be no more sadness and no more tears. He is coming and families will be restored, addictions will be broken, infirmity will be rendered powerless, the truth will reign, and True Love will sit on his throne. So go now and fight for the King, go and fight before there is another casualty. The Lord is coming quickly.

Growing Up...Again

I moved into a house with three friends this week. Sounds like a pretty normal thing to do as a single lady in her mid 20's, but it was a big deal. I didn't know why it was, or even how I knew it was, it just was. I was pondering and praying, wanting to know exactly what the big deal was. I saw that over the last 3 years, I had grown up...again. At age 23, I had just graduated from college, I was working and financially independent, living with friends, fully capable, and taking care of myself. The world would say that's exactly what every 23 year old should be doing. I'm not so sure. Three years ago, I gave it all to the Lord to follow his leading. I ended up in a Discipleship Training School, where a college degree, work experience, financial independence, life stage, or worldly capabilities don't build your resume, but where intimacy with the Lord is the highest qualifier. I didn't choose any of my daily activities, had specific chores, consequnces, had to ask for permission to do almost everything. I ate what was put in front of me, and life was simple. Like a child. I think in some ways I really was like a child, and the outer lifestyle of a DTS student reflected my inner life, as a spiritual child. Children can be selfish, impatient, demanding, harsh, inflexible, but the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. There was little fruit in my life. Now here I am three years later, back where I started...but not really. The Lord has graduated me, and His pleasure washes over me. He's added back to my life what I thought I was already capable of, and what I thought I deserved. So, now I'm 26, working and financially independent, living with friends, fully capable, and taking care of my myself. The world would say that's exactly what every 26 year old should be doing. But now I don't care what the world says, because this time, God said.

Everybody Loves Photo Booth!

A Sign Of Life

“I don’t want to be like my mom, but I’m just like her. I want more for my life, but I don’t know what to do. I know I don’t act like myself on the outs, but I can’t.” These were some of the first comments I heard from Maleah when I met her in Remann Hall, and with them, she won my heart. Maleah has been in and out of detention for 5 years, and finally came to the point where she didn’t want to come back. As I visited her almost every day for a month, I saw dramatic change in Maleah ; I began to see signs of life. She began to act like a kid again, laughing and playing. As we taught about God’s definition of love, she began to understand that people in her life don’t really love her, but she chose to love them and walk in forgiveness. Maleah knew that God had the answers for life; she was done trying to do it on her own and wanted to see what God would say about it all.

When she was released, she quickly entered her old life, which exists just on the other side of her bedroom door. She lives in a trailer with 6 meth-addicted adults, three other teens that are in and out of detention, and 3 children. I spent hours praying and interceding for Maleah’s life, knowing that God could restore every part of her life, and every part of her heart. Maleah was back in Remann Hall last week, and I was so happy to see her! She gave me a hug, and on my shoulder, cried, and apologized over and over again. Walls came down as I got to tell her that I had missed her, and was happy to see her, not angry or disappointed, and still full of faith and hope for her life. She was released a few days later and has been in steady contact, both with her probation officer and me.

We had a great conversation as I drove her home from treatment last week. Someone had told her about the end of the world, and that God was angry with people, and it was only going to get worse. I was honored to tell her that God does not punish us out of anger, but strategically gets our attention and wins our hearts. I can’t wait for Jesus to come back! Maleah, with a quizzical look, asked why. “I just love him!” Maleah’s reply? “Yeah, I don’t think I’m there yet, but I want to be soon.”

Lifeskills?!?

I teach lifeskills in Remann Hall every other week. Three weeks ago it was "Courage". Last week it was "Storytelling". Every girl in Remann Hall has in incredible story, and it's getting better EVERY day. They are overcomers, survivors, women of strength, leaders, courageous, who will shape the world by telling their story, how Jesus saved them and was the first person to ever win their heart. I had them write a story from their own life, interesting beginning, gripping middle, and an ending that wraps it all up. Here is one of their stories (with more to follow):

Rachel and Danny

My brother had just gotten out of inpatient treatment, he had a sober BBQ and invited everyone from rehab to my house. I saw little Danny and I thought he was SO cute. I added him on myspace. A couple months later we started talking and he promised he'd come see me the day he got back from Ohio.

We fell in love and every day I spent with him was the new best day of my life. His parents told him he was going back to impatient for three months so he ran away. I ran with him, we lived together for two weeks. Those are still the best two weeks of my life. After we got caught I went to rehab and he went with me.

Our lives became so different and I was still running away a lot, so he broke up with me. We still hung out sometimes and were pretty much still together, but we grew apart and he went back to rehab and has a girlfriend.

PS. I know I promised a picture, so here's the fam: Jenny, Ellie, Nina, and Adam Narciso

How does God work?

There are a lot of things about life that I don’t understand. Some things are mysterious and make me laugh; others are a little less funny. Some things push me to press in to the Lord, others I overcome with simple faith. At the end of the day, God is good and I don’t have to understand everything. God is God, and he can do whatever is pleasing to him. Now that’s freeing!

How God transforms us, regenerates us, restores us, makes us a new creation…how does He do that? I mean, A NEW CREATION! What in the world?

At SOZO on Tuesday a young man preached. I can’t give you his name, but I will give you his story. He’s about 20, got radically saved a couple months ago, saved out of drugs, gangs, tons of violence, literally saved from death and the brink of Hell. He’s a new creation! He smiles all the time, loves people, loves God, and wants everyone to know the crazy transformation that’s taken place in him. It’s awesome! He’s awesome! He’s had revelation that God is real, loves him like crazy, protects him, has a plan for his life on earth, and wants to spend eternity with him.

After he was done preaching on Tuesday, he was talking to one of my girls. She brought her ultrasound pictures this week to show friends her baby. He noticed them in her hand and said, “I’m kinda mad. I want you to have my baby.” No shame at all, even in front of leaders. I just have to laugh and love him! He hasn’t had revelation on every topic, but he’s preaching on the ones he has had, and preaching with authority, bringing conviction and seeing the Holy Spirit stir peoples hearts.

What revelation have you had lately? How is he transforming you? Preach it (and leave a comment here)! What revelation are you waiting on? Fast and pray for it! He’s coming to visit you SOON!