i love marshall mathers

Yes, it’s true. I love Marshall. I love Eminem and Slim Shady as well. My love for this triune man started in high school, but in the past year has really blossomed. As a matter of fact, my love for all (well, almost all) rap and hip hop artists has grown. And with it, a burning that my life would be about something. I want to share a message worth listening to.

Driving kids from Tacoma around in my car for hours every week is a form of audio torture. I’m forced to listen to the radio, and with that comes a world I don’t usually live in. But something strange has happened over the past few months: I have found songs I actually like! It started with Katy Perry’s You’re a Firework, a two-verse song that’s not exactly brimming with deep issues of the heart. It’s just a girl encouraging her man, and it holds some great some truth: “You don’t have to feel like a waste of space. You’re original, cannot be replaced.” I’ll give you a minute to ponder that…

I then discovered Roll Up by Wiz Khalifa. (For those of you who need translation, that’s a song title followed by the name of the artist.) It’s about a man in love with a lady, who is willing to come to her rescue whenever she calls. Call me a hopeless romantic (and one who is just ignoring the evils of her infidelity), but that’s just precious urban love right there. Anyway, I’ll fast forward before giving you my complete playlist. Eminem released, “Roman’s Revenge”, featuring Nicki Minaj. (Tip: don’t listen to it.) Historically, I haven’t been a huge Nicki fan, although if my mayne (translation: boyfriend/bestfriend) Marshall can sing with her, I can listen to her. And low and behold, she rewarded me with “Fly.”

Here’s the thing with Fly: it’s the most anti-climatic message of all time. Well, it ties with half of all other rap/hip hop songs out there. (The other half is spewing lies and deceit.) My friends that make it big, my friends that have a stage, a following, a place of influence, have worked hard. Really hard. Probably harder than I’ve ever worked. And after all the work, all the toil, all the overcoming, and all the victory? The ears of almost every young person in this nation are listening to you, and what do you have to say?

Nicki: “I am not fly, I am levitation. I represent an entire generation…I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive. I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise, to fly.” Fly

Eminem: “High off of love, drunk from my hate. It's like I'm huffing paint and I love it the more I suffer, I suffocate” Love The Way You Lie

Wiz Khalifa: “Got a call from my jeweler this just in and bitches love me ‘cause I’m fucking with their best friends.” Black and Yellow

Rihanna: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me.” S&M

After all my hours of audio torture (and maybe a little study of the charts), this is what I find with most songs: artists tell the story of how hard they worked to get to the top. Legit. And now, singing from the top, the message either hasn’t changed or it is teaching us how to become drug addicts, prostitutes, gang bangers, and murders. Not so legit.

I can’t help but wonder about people who really have something to say (Hint: If you call yourself a Christian, I’m talking to you right now.) Where are we? Why aren’t we saying anything to the next generation? We have the most important message that ‘s ever needed communicating and we don’t share it. Nor would we work that hard to get people to listen. So, in all the nothingness of their songs, maybe there is a message after all. And maybe the message is for you and I. I love Nicki and Marshall, Wiz and Rihanna, but at the end of the day their main message is about themselves, and it’s empty. But their message is the one that gets heard; it’s the one that shapes people because it’s the only one going out. There sure is a lot of silence coming from some of my other friends.

It seems to me that there is an injustice in my triune man being the loudest voice out there today. Maybe there should be other options. Maybe I should speak up. Maybe you should too.

I GOT AN AWARD!

Every October, the Pacific Northwest Region of Youth For Christ goes on retreat. We retreat to the beautiful creation that is Cannon Beach in Oregon. We talk, laugh, worship, testify, strategize, have bon fires and s'mores, pray, go deep, make new friends, cry, play games, eat, sleep, read the word, and lay in the sun. And every year, it's AWESOME! I'm already looking forward to next October!

Youth For Christ has Five Essentials, they are our core values. They are: Loving Relationships, Widespread Prayer, Faithful Bible Teaching, Collaborative Community Strategy, and Adults Who Empower. Every year a person is honored for excelling in one of the Five Essentials. I guess I spilled the beans in the title of this blog, but I'll say it again: I GOT AN AWARD!

I was honored for excelling in the area of Loving Relationships, and one of my teammates wrote this to present me the award:

"This person is courageous. She responded to God’s call and left her hometown to love girls in the most broken of places. Although not a mom yet herself, she was willing to dive into loving and walking with girls, as young as 13, having babies and becoming moms. She has been there for them in the middle of the night, at the hospital, as they’ve gotten jobs, and learned how to believe and fight for their children. Many of these girls do not have a family to support them. This woman considers these girls and their children her family. She has opened up her home, her friendships, and her life to share and give the love of Christ with these precious ones. She inspires many and reminds us of the love Christ has for us and His willingness to walk with us in relationship despite all our shortcomings and through the hardest of circumstances. Lives are being transformed because of her willingness to love like Him."

As our Executive Director read the words above, I was thinking, I'm going to talk to this girl at the next break. She sounds awesome, and I bet I could learn so much from her. Ha! Thanks to my YFC team for this blessing. I'm honored to work with such an all-star team, and to have you as my friends as well! Love you all!

The World of Facebook

People can say what they want. In person, they usually say what they think they're supposed to say. They know the right answer. However, there is another world. The world of facebook. Sometimes I feel like I get to see my girls in their "natural environment" through this amazing social network. Status updates. Pictures. Comments. They seem to come from their hearts. There are no right things to say, no pat answers, just gut response. Usually, it shows me that Jesus has a lot of work to do. And that I better get to prayin'. ‎But today was different, today made my heart sing. This, my friends, is a facebook status, a gut response from a teen mom. Allow your heart to sing as you read:

"0n August 3, 2011 @ 6:52am I gave my life t0 a BEAUTIFUL baby girl & my w0rld w0uld be changed f0rever! I am very happy t0 say that I am a y0ung,PR0UD m0ther 0ut here d0in what i g0tta d0 f0r me & mine. Every0ne says 0nce y0u have a baby y0ur life is 0ver, but N0PE my life has jst begun! I get t0 enj0y watching my daughter gr0w and gr0w:) & it is a BLESSING! #TheBestFeelingInTheW0rld.

Jesu!

I know what you’re thinking, “Robyn forgot an S in Jesus!”. Don’t worry, I didn’t. That’s His name in Cambodia. And what a name it is! Jesu!

I got to spend almost three weeks this summer in Cambodia, and I’m still thinking about it. Rolling memories around in my head, pondering on questions, smiling at the pictures, wondering what Jesus is doing there today.

Cambodia is the most luscious land I’ve seen, everything is alive. Well, almost everything. There are 1,000 shades of green everywhere. And the children are so beautiful. Everyone I saw, I was convinced was the cutest one I had ever laid eyes on. Then I would look a little to the left or the right, and there was another child. Surely that one is the most beautiful I’ve ever seen. The women smile, the men are in the rice fields. The old ones don’t smile as much. They are tired. They have seen war, genocide, loved ones die, some were even forced to be the killers. They have worked, farmed, raised children, year after year after year, and now they are tired. There is a lot of life in Cambodia, but many hearts are dying. Most have not heard of Jesus. We would share, “Jesus came so you could be free!” And they would interrupt, “What is Jesus?”

Every time our translator would say those words, my heart would beat faster, I would get a big smile on my face, my eyes would widen. “Jesus is the best thing that ever happened!” It all centers on him. Your life, my life, the questions, the answers, the truth, the hope, the power. It’s all Jesus! My words would get translated back. Jesu!

We were playing and teaching little ones in an orphanage, and some men brought a very sick lady in on a tractor, and asked us to pray for her. Where did she come from? I don’t know. How did they know we were there? I don’t know. What did the people at the orphanage think? I don’t know. I don’t really know that much, but I do know that moments like aren’t random. God had been waiting to encounter this women, and as the sun rose that morning, he was excited because it was the day that held the moment, where that women would meet His son Jesus. We prayed, we taught, the children prayed, she repeated after us, we taught some more, her fever broke and her head cleared. For the first time in three years she walked without help and felt hungry. Jesus is the best thing that ever happens to anyone! Jesu! We talk about Him, and we pray in desperation, and He comes and makes himself look SO good. Jesus has a name in that Cambodian village, and it’s a good one! Jesu!

That’s what I want my life to do. I want my life on Earth to make Jesus look good. When things don't go my way, I want Jesus to look good. When I'm disappointed, I want him to look good. When I'm hurt, I want him to look good. In all the moments and days when I am weak, I want him to look strong. I want him to look good, not only when I pray for someone, but when I'm just living. I want him to look like the best thing that ever happened to me. Jesu!

Called to Celebrate, Called to Grieve

(When I started this blog last week it was titled, “Do the right thing.”)

In the midst of a week spent on the couch, fighting the worst cold I have ever known, the Lord called me to Remann Hall once again. I had a little word of encouragement for the girls out of Isaiah 42, but wasn’t sure exactly where the Spirit would take us. As I grabbed my bible and notebook on my way out, I noticed a piece of paper with the names and phone numbers of girls who were in detention several months before. I glanced at the names, and remembered her. Her name is Jayla, she’s 17, she came into Remann Hall desperate, and she made a decision to love and follow Jesus. Walking out the door, I made a mental note on my to-do list, Call Jayla ASAP!

Twenty minutes later, who should I see in Remann Hall? JAYLA!!! We had a great reunion, and she updated me on her life. She had been doing great, going to school everyday, getting along with her mom, avoiding relationships that she thought would only lead to more trouble. We celebrated her breakthrough and growth through her jail cell door, and it was a sweet moment. She paused, and began to appear downcast at the thought that came into her mind. Jayla told me that she had just found out that she’s pregnant, about 4 weeks along. She didn’t know what to do; she was scared to talk to her mom about it, although her mom already knew. She didn’t think she was ready for the challenges that would come, and she was considering aborting the baby. Isaiah 42 was out and Psalm 139 was in! We read the word together, at which she exclaimed, “The Bible’s filthy!” which just means that it’s really cool. Talking about what it meant that her and I were knitted together by God in our mom’s wombs, that his workmanship is marvelous, and that God saw us before we were born. She asked good questions, “Would it be a sin?” “What if my mom try’s to make me?” We asked her questions. “What do you think the right thing is?” She knew the right thing would be to keep the baby. One of our volunteers looked her in the eye, “Jayla, do the right thing. You can do it! You have to do the right thing!” Jayla began to weep, saying that she wanted to do the right thing, but she was still scared of what her mom would say. She had had three abortions before she had Jayla.

I celebrated all week, thanking God that He has brought Jayla to us, celebrated that He had given me strength to get off the couch, thanking him for his word, and the power which it holds. I celebrated that He had moved on Jayla’s heart, and a new life was coming into the world. I told everyone, and we all celebrated. Until yesterday, yesterday the call to celebrate turned to the call to grieve.

Jayla called me last night, we talked for a while, and then I asked about the baby. I don’t really know what she said, but I heard her. The baby was gone. She decided that she couldn’t handle the responsibility; she wanted to stay in school, and grow up before she had a baby. Her mom had taken her to Planned Parenthood, and 30 minutes later the little life that I spent the week celebrating over, was dead.

I know God called me to engage in a war that is raging everyday in my city, a war that many would say shouldn’t even be fought, a war where the bad guys seem to be winning. And so I fight, identifying life and victory, pushing back the enemy in prayer, trumpeting what I know to be true, and prophesying the end of the war. I know Jesus is going to win, and until that day I’ll celebrate life, and I’ll grieve over death.

In the midst of heartache and tears, I will cling to hope and the truth. For the one that was lost this week, more were kept. For the ones, that will be lost tomorrow, still more will be kept. A second baby boom is coming to our nation, and I will celebrate over every one of them. And I will grieve over every little one that is lost. And Jesus will win this war.

What Happens When I Read The Bible

Often times nothing. Nothing happens. I come out with a million questions, and feel at a loss to get answers. Sometimes I’m bored out of my mind and I spend more time thinking about how I’d rather be doing something else. Sometimes I have to be honest and admit that somewhere in my heart, I think I have better things to do than be with Jesus and read His word to me. But I know that’s so wrong, so I end up mad at myself that I think and feel that way. When one walks down this path, they walk out of their “time with the Lord” in more bondage than they went into it with.

This is stupid. I’m not doing it anymore.

The only eternal relationship this exists in my life is the one between Jesus and me. And I love Him. And He loves me. And I want to love Him more. And he can’t love me more. Because of this, I will give myself to His word, and I will ask for grace to stay focused, I will ask for his Spirit to come and teach me, I will ask for wisdom to apply it to my life, and I will ask to be transformed by it.

My quiet time today must have been AWESOME! Nope. It wasn’t much different than they usually are, but I had fun anyway. I read Genesis 1-3, and these are some things I noticed:

- The Lord gave Adam the boundary regarding the Trees before He gave Adam Eve, but Eve knew the boundary. Adam must have discipled her in the Lords ways before the fall.

- Man was made for intimate relationship (not only in a sensual way, but in a private and personal way). So the Lord, offered Adam “the wild animals and birds” and he rejected them all. The Lord offered them to Him, knowing that they weren’t the best option, but in the offering of them, relationship grew.

- The Bible says the serpent was shrewd? Not evil beyond measure and detestable to God? Just shrewd? Doesn’t the bible call us to be shrewd somewhere? Innocent as doves yet shrewd as foxes or something?

- God gave instruction to Adam, knowing full well the mess that would become of creation, and then gave him the greatest gift. Woman. If you knew someone was about to wreck your creation, break your heart, rebel and completely dishonor and disobey you, would you give him or her the greatest gift ever? The Lord is crazy! I want to be like Him!

- The first emotion felt after sin entered Adam and Eve (and all of creation) was shame, specifically over their bodies. The very form that God would walk the Earth in, the very place where His presence now dwells.

- After the fall, Adam gave Eve her name; “to give life”. A very nice name for someone who just let evil enter the world to torment every person for all generations

- Then God made clothes for them, why didn’t he just deliver them from shame and leave them naked? I would probably be spending much less money on clothes today if He had.

- God’s course of action after the fall is ridiculous: He comes to them, talks it out a bit, sets the serpent straight, address Adam and Eve (although I’m not sure if he cursed them, or just explained the consequences of their actions, or both), he made them clothes (the first sacrifice perhaps?), and then he protected them from completely ruining the relationship with Him forever by sending them from the garden, away from the Tree of Life. “Banished” sounds like such a punishment, like he cast them out of the best place to live and made them suffer in a yucky land. The definition summed up: to send, send away, let go, stretch out, extend, direct, to let loose, to send off or away or out or forth, dismiss, give over, cast out. It’s the same word used in 1 Chronicles 13 to describe David sending messages to the Israelites to invite them to join him in celebration as they brought the Ark back. It seems to me He was protecting them. He placed a “mighty cherubim…with a flaming sword…that flashes back and forth” to violently protect His plan to bring us back to Him. Now that’s cool.

In the days to come, I expect to receive big gifts from God as I give myself to His word. And I can’t wait to share them! I am blessed with time to spend with Jesus, a blessing that not all have currently. So for the ones who work 40+ hours a week, for the ones who take care of children, house, and home, for the ones who have a different call, and for the ones that carry me as I give my life to love and serve the youth of this city, I will spend my time with Jesus and I will offer what I receive to you, because I believe the blessing is for you too!

Words of Love

Here are two facebook messages exchanged between a beautiful young girl growing up in Tacoma and me. Here are Words of Love.

Dear Ellie,

I was just praying for you this morning, and some of this I've told you before, but I just have to tell you again. I'm SO proud of you. When I look at you, when I think about your life, I don't see a little kid, a crazy middle schooler who's not quite there yet. I see a woman of God, a woman who has walked with God through good times and bad, one who has been faithful, held on to a pure heart, one who has held on to every word the Lord has spoken over her. Ellie, God has a special grace on you. You and Jesus together, will absolutely and completely change your family, an entire generation! =) This year has been a war in your family: cousins have got arrested and sent up, one had two babies, two more having babies, one brother is having a baby, and the other is getting arrested and expelled from school. Your mom looses her relationship. And then there's you. Faithfully following Jesus. I know God is coming to rescue them, and his hand is already resting upon you. You have laid down almost every friendship in order to follow Jesus this year. You've forgiven people who have treated you SO badly, just because you know Jesus is the only way and you are willing to go that way no matter what. You are applying to school, determined to live a holy life. Ellie, you are special. I learn from you. I've understood Jesus more this year, understood love more this year, understood the power of God, understood real friendship more this year because of you. I'm crying as I write this because God didn't send me up here to bless you, but he blessed me with you. Laying in my bed last night, I was thinking of the future: getting to be at your junior high, and high school and collage graduations, seeing you at your first job, getting to know the man that decided to pursue you. Those are the things I like to dream about! Those are the things that the Lord dreams about for you. And I'm so glad that we get to dream together too. I love you girl!

AWWWWWWWWWWWW , iLove Yuu T2 Robynn ! And Thanks Too Yuu , i Am This Person ! And EveryThing Happens For Ah Reason , Soo i Am Jusss Gonnna Wait On My Blesssings And Dont Let NO BODY COme In Between That ! i Jussss Thinkk About Those Things T000 , Abouut How Far God Will Let This Friendship Last , And i Thank Yuu T000 Because , When i Wasnt Tooo Nice And Faithfull , Yuu Were Still There Thruu Out It Alll ! i Love Yuu Robynn , !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Ellie W // Loove ! <333

A Word of Love can transform a heart. 1 John 4:19 We love because He first loved us.

A Battle of Life and Death

Last spring the YFC ministry that I volunteer for moved into a new office. Our new office is on the Hilltop, the hood. It’s an area known for gangs, drugs, violence, and broken people from broken families. On the first tour I took of the building that is now our office, I asked about our neighbors, Cedar River Clinic. I already knew I didn’t want to know the answer. Cedar River is an abortion clinic.

Every day in my office, people sit at desks, they plan, they study God’s word, they meet, they pray, worship, they love kids in the city, they encourage one another, they cry, they eat and laugh and live life. Next door the devil rages, and death takes another and another and another. I’ve walked passed it, parked in front of it, and prayed against it. I’ve wondered about how many have gone in? How many haven’t come out? Do they know about me like I know about them? I wonder if the staff would ever refer a girl to us? I want to know more, but sometimes you can’t un-ask a question. Last week I followed my wonderings, and I visited their website. My emotions flowed like a damn just broken. Anger. Sadness. Grief. Love. Compassion. Urgency. Something changed in my heart: where I had been only been standing on truth, I am now a warrior wielding the sword of truth.

It’s not as some think. “Just chose life, just keep your baby, why don’t you give it up fo

r adoption? How could a woman kill her own child? Murderer! What’s wrong with these girls? They’ll have to live with that for the rest of their lives!” Does this sound familiar? I used to sound like this. Do you sound like this? A clear picture of death has been painted and although we all know life, we’ve missed something. Death is bad and life is good, is far too simplistic. We fight death with life, but how can we fight death if we don’t understand life?

A living baby. I’ve haven’t had one yet, but this is what I do know about living babies. They cry all the time. They poop all the time. They need something almost every second of the day. Clothes. Diapers. Sometimes expensive formula. Wipes. Bibs. Medicine. Time. Attention. At 1am. And 2am. And 3am. And 4am. Although that’s God’s design, it doesn’t really sound like the joy and peace and light and purpose that we think of when we hear the word life.

Allow me to introduce you to a precious, living baby, and her mom who chose life. Sometimes I think I love them more than anyone else in the world. Mom was 15 when she got pregnant, 16 when she had her. She lives with dad, or aunt, or baby daddy, or friends. Now she’s on assistance. She doesn’t go to school anymore. She doesn’t have a job. She’s was happens when you chose life. It’s not glamorous, and could easily look like a tragedy in itself, but it’s precious beyond any earthly treasure. I want to see more like these two and less traffic at my neighbors. I want to see more life, even if it means that I’m the one changing poopy diapers at 2am. I want to choose life!

Will you please choose life? Will you bless a young mom next time you see one? Tell her you’re proud of her, and she’s doing a great job. It might be the first time she’s ever heard that. Will you buy her some wipes? And an ice cream cone? Will you change a diaper? Because that is life. That will defeat death.

“The thief comes only to steal kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Jesus in John 10:10.